Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
