Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
This is my life. Enjoy the view
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