he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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