New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
