I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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