So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
