Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
