Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
