Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
