awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
