Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
