so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
