I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
