I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
