how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
