apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
