tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
