So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'd cum for enchiladas.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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