chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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