i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
