The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
