I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
