I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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