Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Send help, water and tortillas.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
