we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
