I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
