Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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