Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
