"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
