From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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