She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
