you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You ruined the universe
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
