I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Randomize
