I must be too annoying 4 u.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
