if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
