u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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