Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
