They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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