i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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