Im at strip club and am horny
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
