I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
