mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
