you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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