Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
