yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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