Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
