I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
