Where is the hickey?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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