winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
