can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
