i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
