there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Semen is not good for contacts.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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