tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Quick, to the slutcave!
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
