all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
